Zoth HaBracha: ? 

When does the Jewish year end, when does it begin? The calendar changes its number on Rosh Hashana, but the process of review and resolutions continues through Yom Kippur and the Torah restarts  on Shmini Atzret, ten days later.  Through that time, the last parsha, Zoth Habracha hangs over the transition period and never has a Shabbath of its own. 

Zoth Habracha is hard to understand. The introductory sentences are filled with names that are now part adjective,  names that evoke the cast-off siblings ( Seir- Esau, Paran- Ishmael)  or in-laws ( Hovav - Jethro).  Words are torn apart ((אשדת) [אֵ֥שׁ דָּ֖ת], waterfall  becomes the fire of knowledge) . The sentences convey the desperation to  impart understanding to the listener/reader and the inadequacy of understanding. 

The situation is explicit: these are Moshe's parting words before his death. We are confronted with the ethical will of the man of Gd. This Jewish man of Gd is fully human, born of man and woman, and will not be resurrected in the flesh ( for a long time, not yet). The passage, appropriate to Yom Kippur, is reminder that we will all die. 

Moses proceeds to make statements about most of the tribes of Israel ( Simon is not directly mentioned).  The statements are hints, prophecies. Moses does not mention his own sons, Gershom and Eliezer. Moses sacrificed his personal life for the people. He rejected the idea that his descendants would replace Israel, when it was offered to him by Gd. His progeny did not lead the Hebrews.

The daf yomi  ( Bava Bathra 109)  talks about a descendent of Moshe: Jonathan  son of Gershom. The story that involves him in Judges chapter 18, describes his ascent as the priest to the sculpted, molten image called  Pesel Micha: an idol kept by the tribe of Dan and minidtered for hundreds of years by Johnathan's decedents. Johnathan was in the family business, but closer to his great-grandfather Jethro than his grandfather. When Johnathan is identified at the end of the story, he is named: וִ֠יהוֹנָתָ֠ן בֶּן־גֵּרְשֹׁ֨ם בֶּן־מְ^נַשֶּׁ֜ה.  , the son of Me(n)ashe.  The flying nun is intended to protect ( and reveal) the identity of his grandfather.  Was the grandson's  deviation in faith the result of Moshe's decision to put the nation as a whole ahead of his immediate  family?  We as a nation are grateful to Moshe, but we do not look away from the consequences of his decision.

On Yom Kippur, I do not pray for myself alone. When my parents were alive, I prayed for them ( less, but not zero, now). Now I have a wife and children and grandchildren: I pray for their success and their  happiness. Will their success require detour from the tradition? I pray for a better solution. I should have dedicated more time to that goal. 

 Ha'azinu: Tshuva

 What is tshuva? The word implies "return." Something has been left, and it was better than what I have now. I am supposed to return to it. 

Is tshuva an expression of regret, a desire to return to the past and correct a bad decision? The parshe would have me believe that the world is glorious when we are in a state of Divine grace, and we can achieve that state by adherence to the ancient rules. Tshuva is a return to that blessed state by returning to the strict observance (that seems to have been a historical rarity, at best). We can try our best. 

Is tshuva a call for nostalgia, an attempt to return to a state of innocence? There is no hope of going back to Eden before the fall. 

I see my young grandchildren, the paradigms of innocence. I see their developing, wider ranging, desires and jealousies.  The dream of childhood sinlessness is a fantasy that denies reality.  Children are learning how to sin - and getting better at it as they grow. A return to childhood is not what I want, and not what is meant by tshuva. 

Is tshuva  a return to a simpler time? No matter how romanticized, I do not want to go back to the shtetl of my parents and their ancestors. I can only  imagine the world of my childhood, before color TV, home computers, cell phones. I get a taste of that life, and its delights, every Shabbath and Yom Tov. That is enough.

Tshuva is a return to myself. That self is lost in the onslaught of political controversies, internet information, professional demands, job minutiae. I am not sure it can be found anymore. The ancient text, the Torah helps... but that also needs careful interpretation . The only way  I can do tshuva, the  only way I can find myself  is with Gd's help. 

I pray for tshuva.