Chaye Sarah: kicha kicha

Chaye Sarah, the legacy  story of Sarah nd Avraham, contains one of the most fundamental and curious principles in the Talmud. It is  usually stated in Hebrew as kicha kicha m'sedei Efron: acquisition, acquisition from the fields of Efron.  It means that there is an analogy between marriage and the acquisition of land. The contractual details involved in the purchase  of land  are required in the marriage contract. 

In our time, this sounds offensive. It sounds like the bride, like a piece of property,  is purchased. That is a reading that implies the archaic, mysogenous  nature of the tradition.  I t is not wrong, it is merely angry and useless. A more respectful reading looks to the stories in this weeks parsha, where the phrase directs us.

The longest story in the parsha is the wining  of Rivkah as a wife for Yitzchok. This story involves Avraham's servant, Eliezer developing an algorithm for identifying the appropriate bride.  One of the sugnificant conditions  in the process is the requirement that she volunteer her water fetching  services beyond the request, that she provides work without (immediate) monetary compensation. He could be looking for an act of kindness, or an act that is an extension of credit , believing that compenstion would come later.  Regardless, it is not the behavior of an econ (a being driven by acquisitiveness).  One of the requirements of the bride is that she is not driven by money. 

When the conditions are fulfilled, Eliezer bestows riches upon her.  He does not buy her, he gives her presents. He does the same with her family.  Ultimately Rivkah is the one who chooses to go with Eliezer to meek Yitzchok, whom she finds so startling, that he knocks her off her camel. 

When Avraham acquires the land for the family burial plot, there is a strong implication that  he could take the land without payment ( What is property 400 Shekels between you and  me? says Efron) It is from this story that we learn about the marriage contract.  People can live together without contractual relationships, they can have arrangements, just as Avraham could have buried Sara without payment.  The story tells us that is not our tradition.  The formal contract, the public announcement is how we marry. 

My father in law A"H  made many formal contracts that turned legacies into forces for good.