Rosh Hashanah: The End

 I listened to “The Doors” when I was old enough to handle their dark messages. I think that one phrase summarizes it:

 “ This is the end

My only friend

The End. “

I could see this as ridiculous and true (a feeling I have become increasingly familiar with).  The end is when it is all over. It is not my friend.  The end  can be conceived of as a friend to one who is suffering. But growing up as the son of struggling holocaust survivors raises the bar of the level of suffering that merits a friendship with the end. It was also helpful to hear that my parents considered that solution a few times in the depths of their misery and chose an alternative.  

Now we are at the end of the Jewish year. The Torah cycle comes to its concluding chapters. These are chapters of dire prophecy with a dessert of hope. The last message: Moses fails to enter the promised land. The chapter that we read next week, between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur describes the nation abandoning their  Lord and the  hiding of Gd’s face, the removal of Divine Grace, that ensues. Of course, there is a final redemption, but only after severe degradation; enough humiliation to make the End your friend. 

I just returned from the extraordinarily long prayer service (Selichot and Shacharith) reserved for the day before Rosh Hashanah, the last day - the end- of the year. The coda to that service is Hatorath Nedarim, the annulment of vows. The annulment of vows on the eve of Yom Kippur, Kol Nidre is far better known. The Kol Nidre is brief, not detailed and the message is often primarily  conveyed  by the  music. The Hatorat Nedarim before Rosh Hashana is more detailed, more Talmudic. It delves into the various ways vows are made, which vows can and cannot be annulled, and what justifies annulment. 

This year I understand the annulment of vows on the last day of the year differently. I understand that some vows cannot be kept.  Gd may not want the vow fulfilled.  The Annulment of vow recognizes that I may have  to live (or die) with disappointment. The vow is a statement of capability, and I will overestimate that capability. I will not be able to do everything I dream of. (The annulment of vows formula specifically includes vows taken while dreaming).  I will probably not live up to the goals I imagine I could reach.  That may be a good thing. It may be another way that the end is my friend. 

The mood that is generated by the music, poetry  and liturgy of Rosh Hashanah brings the end into focus. That view is reality. The one  true prophecy that we all have:  that everything will eventually end. The end is not your friend, but viewing it is therapeutic.