Vayishlach : Non-Violent Communication

Vayishlach : Non-Violent Communication    

At the urging of one of our children, my wife, Karen, is taking a course in non-violent communication.  That has motivated me to listen to an audiobook, one of the textbooks for the course, Non-Violent Communication by Marshal Rosenberg.  

The principles revolve around being honest with oneself so that one can be clear with others. Distinguishing needs from judgements, trusting other to be like  ( we imagine) ourselves: kind and helpful if possible... if the needs are clearly explained.   Some of these principles are useful in understanding myself and helpful in communicating with others. I like it. 

I wonder which Rosenbergs Marshal comes from.  As an American, he most likely comes from the Jewish Rosenbergs ( but it is very unlikely that he is related to Julius and Ethel).  It is not likely, but possible, he is related to Alfred Rosenberg, who advocated the murder of all Jews  in his Eastern Reich domain. I wonder which non-violent communication technique would work with him? 

Jacob expected a violent  reception when he returned to Canaan from his years with Lavan.  Esau had said that he would kill him. Jacob was coming to claim disputed land. Esau had formed alliances, some sealed by marriage, with the local inhabitants. He had army ready to confront Jacob, a family of 16. Jacob was terrified, and felt that he had exhausted the grace of Gd. 

Jacobs battles an angel.  This battle gives him a limp that presumably lasts for the rest of his life. Perhaps the limp helps to save him.  Now when he confronts Esau, in his lame state, he is less of a threat. He is pitiable, not a worthy opponent. Esau can leave such a rival to deteriorates  on his own.

The battle also gives Jacob a new grace. The angel gave him a name that restored his confidence: Israel, 'he that battles the great force(s)'.  The combat restored him, his Divine credit was intact.  He had enough confidence to carry out his plan for non-violent entry into the land... that chould have been Esau's. 

Jacob sends Esau gifts worth a large fortune.  He insists that Esau take the offerings.  How can Esau kill a brother that shows him such kindness and supplication?  It is not the right time. Isaac is still alive and the vow was to murder Jacob after Isaac's demise. 

Esau offers to have some of his allies accompany Jacob.  I think that the intention was not just to watch this family, but to marry them, integrate them into the local people and culture... as Esau had done with the Hivites, Hittites and Nabateans. Esau accepts Jacobs no. 

No appeasement was possible for Alfred Rosenberg.  He took all of the possession of the children of Israel, he had no need for gifts.  No level of disability could elicit empathy or pity. The mission to murder all of the Jews was beyond appeal and beyond reason.  Attempts to assimilate  into the surrounding society did not work either.  Three generations Judenrein was a required for passing and continued life. 

Non-violent communication works, up to a point.  It does not work if the listener has degraded the speaker to insignificance. It should be tool to prevent the degradation, and may not always be enough on its own. 

In The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, William Shirer traces Nazi antisemitism to the theories of Houston Stewart Chamberlain. He thought of Europe as a competition among three "races." The "mixed" peoples of Southern Europe ( no need for further mention) , the Teutonic peoples: Germans, Celts and Slavs; and the Jews. The Jews, he says, "realize the 'sacred duty' (quotes are Shirer's)  of man to  guard the purity of the races."  Presumably, the Teutonic people do likewise, without explicit statement. 

The marriages of Esau are a source of grief to Isaac and Rebecca. Marrying the local people was problematic.  But later we see Judah marrying an Adulamite, Joseph marries and Egyptian.  It was not "marrying out" that was the problem; it was marrying into the local tribe, as a way for the offspring to inherit the land. This was a ruse used by unscrupulous men of European descent to obtain the oil riches of the Osage indigenous people who had been relocated to the area we now call Oklahoma  ( Indian Territory)  The marriage was, at times, followed by murder to complete the acquisition. 

On a molecular basis, there are no races, it is a false concept. But people from different parts of the world do look  different. I am proud that Jews look like all of them . Jewish identity is not  genetic.  But it can be strong, and a source of immense pride. It should not be a source of conflict. 

Marshal Rosenberg was Jewish.